David Redding

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New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

    You ever dealt with some ass, where you just felt like applying a title?  Well, I sure as hell do.  So I have a point of reference, here are some terms you'll see me using occasionally.

Software Arsonist: Someone who pushes software out the door so fast that it's bug ridden and prone to fire (see Dry Software).  Once the software is under intense fire fighting, the Software Arsonist will delegate others to put the fires out, while they send out massive amounts of email showing how much value they are adding, and looking for a pat on the back, for being able to put out the fires without actually "Doing" anything.

Ass Hat: Someone who knows so little about howyou write software that they
Never mind that one

Software Consultant: Similar to a Software Arsonist, but instead of a pat on the back this guy wants money.  So he'll be the guy smoking a cigarette, next to the Dry Software while holding a coin operated fire extinguisher.

Dry Software: Just like California, this code could ignite at any moment and cause a 4 alarm fire within any company.  It's typically caused by setting incredibly unrealistic deadlines (Read: just plain dumb), and charging forward with a complete disregard for those pesky "Tiers" or any concept of loose coupling. Dry Software can typically be found under the banner reading "The app is only for a handful of people."

Holy Pants: Jeans you accidentally put on in the morning and are so tight they show everyone in the world what religion you are.

    So there are a few I feel I made up (Yes damnit, Software Consultant is Mine!!), what are yours? 

Here's a quote to go with from Stewie on Family Guy "Your cruelty merely stems from some deep seated inner pain, so the obvious remedy is a healthy dose of OUTER PAIN!"

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Print | posted on Thursday, October 25, 2007 3:54 AM | Filed Under [ Other Personal Because I'm an Ass ]

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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

Dave, great post. I tried a pair of holy pants on yesterday. That's not my thing, I think. As for Software Arsonist...I've worked with many of those in my days. Great terms. I think they've got definite legs.
10/25/2007 1:15 AM | Jeff Blankenburg
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

Just so long as you don't wear those pants in public...
10/25/2007 2:24 AM | Dave
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

DRY already has another meaning in software:

Don't
Repeat
Yourself

and it is a *good* thing to have dry software.

(http://www.artima.com/intv/dry.html)

A better term may be tindered software or something like that.
10/25/2007 2:36 AM | ottobar
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

Woe to those men who worship at the temple of the Camel Toe!

"Oh sweet...a second belly button."

Amazing post...sure to be popular with the San Diego .NET User Group.
;)

D
10/25/2007 2:55 AM | D'Arcy from Winnipeg
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

And what's wrong with Ass Hat?
10/25/2007 2:56 AM | D'Arcy from Winnipeg
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

Not a thing. I was just really irritated at the time i wrote it and was afraid that if i continued with the asshat definition, that i'd actually give enough info to pinpoint that particular person.
10/25/2007 2:58 AM | Dave
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

Ha! That's awesome...

D
10/25/2007 3:29 AM | D'Arcy from Winnipeg
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

I was intrigued with where the "ass hat" one was going.

So after a few months of calm, do you have a term for the Fire fighters?
8/2/2008 8:48 PM | Tyler MacLeod
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# re: New terminology for the Blog-o-sphere

Hey Tyler. Ass hat is basically someone who knows little about real software development and tells you on a constant basis that anything you write, they could have written in half the time. Also known as middle Management, or assinine project managers.
8/3/2008 1:48 PM | Dave

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